Oregon bound? I think.

Looks like I'll be heading back to Oregon for a couple weeks during the first part of May, Lord willing. Then, I may go back to Oregon every 6 weeks or so for 1-2 week treatments, as the Lord allows. After a lot of prayer and thought, this is what Jim and I feel led to try to do. With my illnesses, there isn't a quick fix and this is a longer term approach to gaining and maintaining wellness. We only have the first trip planned at this time with my doctor. We will buy airline tickets for it today. Please pray that we will be clearly led the way in which we should go, one step at a time. This is what we want even more than simply me being well.

I have to tell you all, God has been good in providing helps in all forms when we need them. I can't praise God enough for the amazing ways in which He is evident in our lives through this. One huge bonus of being so sick is there is no doubt about a real and living Savior. His presence is undeniable when things suddenly just simply unfold before us out of complete confusion at times. We have this first trip mostly hammered out, but not the next. We are learning to take things one at a time, in faith, as we never did before.

This may be no big revelation to you, and if that is the case, I am very glad, but I have learned something I would like to share. As a person who used to plan things way in advance and stick tight to my plans, it is a big deal for me to learn to give my "planning" up for "whatever-comes-next" instead. Even at the risk of appearing flaky, unreliable, lazy and all of those other undesirables that type-A personalities loathe, I do not plan like I once did. Regrettably, I gave up my planning problem only by force, so I cannot toot my own horn here. (Note: more force required to change more stubborn people.) Currently, I am often unable to even plan to cook supper a few hours later, so I rarely make plans anymore. Here is where the problem/lesson learned about planning is:

I used to make decisions fast and often without consulting anything other than my own agenda. I used to be guilty of praying that God would work according to my very detailed plans rather than fully trusting His. It is silly to think I could become so focused on my own plans and still think I was allowing God to be in control of me day to day. There is a fine balance to be found between not wasting your day/time/resources by thinking ahead a bit and truly being free to adjust to life as God leads. One sign you may need help with this is if you constantly have feelings of disappointment or failure for things 'not going as you had planned.' I have become very familiar and comfortable with things not going as I planned as I never have before. It's quite freeing, really. When you give up pretending to be in control over your life and trust God, you employ someone who is actually capable!

God is immovable. His plan will not be halted by even the most obsessively painstakingly detailed hour to hour monthly planner. Who do we think we are here, people? We can either go His way quickly, willingly and cheerfully on our feet, or we can go dragged, kicking, screaming, pouting, donkey-legs-out where He wants us to go...right? Sometimes our only choice in life is the level of resistance. I have learned that some difficulties in life are simply the aftermath of the self-created injuries from resistance. Ouch. (Note: stubborn people often learn the hard way, by painful experience.) I'm *trying* to go His way now, walking, no more donkey-legs.

I do know that without a doubt, God will continue to bless us if we seek to remain in His will, no matter how things turn out, or where we go next. I've experienced this to be true. I wish I had figured this out sooner. I hope to keep this in the forefront of my mind (...and stay off my stubborn behind).

I'll try to update as things unfold. Thank you for your prayers.

Nicole