Sick of sick, tired of tired, trying to count my blessings anyway

Isn't that the hard part of life? 

I remarked to Jim today how incredibly hard our lives are right now. We are both so exhausted. However, our problems are polar opposite of each other. I sleep 12 hours and I am still was so exhausted from being sick that I've done little but IV's and sleep the past two days. He keeps taking a long route to Tulsa for extra money meaning he nearly maxes out his DOT hours and goes to work on 5 1/2 hours of sleep. His little bit of time (2-3 hours) at home is spent helping me and running my IV's. We talk about changing our lifestyle, moving, something to take some pressure off, but we don't think it's possible right now to sell our house. Plus, the house we'd need now and the house we will need in a short number of years will be totally different as our older kids begin to grow up and move out. So, we have to just wait it out.

It seems to me that nothing in life has ever gotten easier despite the prevailing myth that "after this or that" surely the next stage will be easier. Definitely in our particular case, life has increasingly and rapidly gotten more complicated and difficult with each of our 17.5 years of marriage. I really can't imagine it getting harder than now. Jim assured me earlier that, "it will get easier." Then, he added, "in heaven." I admit my heart sunk. Yes, I rejoice and believe in heaven, but I can't imagine 50 more years of this first. Does life ever get easier? 

Ok, pity party over. (Please don't post this one on chapel channels.)

Nicole 

Relapse

Bad news report. :( 

I've been feeling slowly worse and worse the last few weeks. Today, I finally decided this isn't the normal waxing and waning of my energy and health. It was always wishful thinking this is "just a bad day" and not a turn for the worse, I suppose. So, this afternoon Jim took me to the doctor.  

Doc confirmed I have Bartonella again. I'll be on new prescription medications (2), an herbal protocol and IV's for it. It's a frustrating thing because I have treated this countless times over 5 years. I mean countless times too. Nonstop meds for years. It really reared up and knocked me down fast this time. 

Jim missed half of yesterday and all day at work today to help me since I wasn't able to drive. So, we are now preparing to throw everything we possibly can at Bartonella this time and we hope it helps without killing me first. Doc encouraged me saying that the patient he knows with the worst Bartonella he has ever seen did the scripts + herbs and has finally become victorious over it. He said to do as much as I can tolerate. We picked up the prescriptions just now, herbs were shipped from the Oregon doc today and IV meds are on their way too. The battle begins...

Keep the ticks off folks. Be cautious. Protect your health. 

Thanks for praying for us. Thanks for the blessings (whoever you are) that have helped pay for my medicine as well. God is always good. Always.

Nicole & family 

Been another month!

It's been a month since my last post. I was holding my own pretty well, but I have regressed slightly recently. My oxygen tank ran out, which is needed for one of my treatments, and it ended up causing a 10 day lapse in treatments. It only takes a few days and I feel it that I've missed them. So, the IV treatments help me for sure, but there is still a long way to go before I'm "healthy" because I can still lose ground easily and quickly.

I've done a couple treatments with my refilled tank, but I'm out of other supplies now. I've ordered those supplies today so hopefully it won't be long before I'm back to a normal treatment schedule again and hopefully I can improve quickly once I'm back on track.

I haven't scheduled a trip back to Oregon yet. I'm going to need to go, but I am stalling. It's hard to do in so many ways, so I'm not looking forward to it. Being away from my family, the treatments being physically exhausting, treatments making me sicker before better, the expense.... I guess I am going to pray that when the time is right, it'll be clear I should go and everything will fall into place for a return visit. Also, I hope that it isn't clear I need to return simply because I've become very sick again! Dr V was clear to return before I lose too

much  ground if I take a turn for the worse again.

Since returning home, I've busied myself making and selling soap to help pay for Lyme treatments both at home and hopefully for another Portland visit to continue treatments there. It was a bit of an experiment to see if my soap would sell publicly. I've made it for my family for years but haven't sold much. So far, I've been really encouraged at sales and response. Many people have been kind enough to try it and then tell their friends and family and orders are slowly trickling in almost everyday. I've sold out of some initial varieties and I have spent the last two weeks cranking out soap batches nearly every day to restock it all. It's all drying now and soon it'll all be back on my website. Thanks to all who have tried my soaps! If you're interested and haven't seen it, you can read about my soaps and see what I have available currently here:

www.twowildhares.com

More soap varieties are coming soon as well as lip balms and several other hand crafted items as I find time in between my daily family duties to work on these other things. As long as God continues to bless this particular effort to pay for my treatments, I'll keep working on this business.

All in all, I have held my ground at home this time better than the last time I returned. So, a measure of my health gains have become permanent. I haven't had to take antibiotics (pharmaceuticals anyway) since last fall which is a long time for a Lyme person. A couple of my treatments are antibiotic, but naturally so, and this has helped me to be able to improve gut health. This time last year, I was starving to death from malnutrition because my gut flora was so terrible. I've gained 20 pounds since August 2012!

The family seems to be doing well. We are enjoying the summer so far. Our cow Mavis had a calf and we are milking her this time. We didn't milk her during her last calf and Waffles freshened during the winter and we skipped milking her as well. I wasn't up to it health wise and this time it's going well and I am not too worn out to do it, so I am glad for fresh milk, mozzarella, yogurt and milk for my soap!

I am grateful for these many small improvements and I can hardly believe that in June 2012 I was in bed 16-18 hours per day and was still so exhausted I didn't do anything but move to the couch, then back to bed most days. I didn't know a person could be so tired! It is literally almost dead tired. Although any of us can die at any moment, it seemed as though I would just not wake up almost every single time I went to sleep. Jim is relieved not to have to check to see if I am dead every night when he gets home. More than once he thought I was dead because my breathing was so undetectable and he was relieved when I stirred suddenly. Poor guy!

The things still bothering me are: full body pain still necessitating pain medicine to make it tolerable, sleep disturbances (awake from 2-5am/or nightmares) overly sensitive nerves that make me feel jumpy at times, overly sensitive skin that makes IV's more painful than they should be and still some fatigue, although not like before. 

If you would pray for those health things, the continued good health of my husband and children and discernment about when to return to Portland for more treatments, we would appreciate it. 

Thanks for being concerned for us and praying for us. 

Nicole

Still plugging along

Over the halfway mark. Feeling pretty good. Very thankful I can do this. We are putting into place new things to add to what I do at home to help maintain.

We enjoyed a quiet weekend at Rockaway last weekend- just me, Terra, Kathy and one little one- Rafael. We didn't even touch the sand which seems like a shame but we did what we wanted! That was mostly watch movies and crochet. :)

Doozy

Well, today was the best day ever, until the end part. I went from 6 am to 3 pm not needing ANY pain medicine, which is a long time for me. Yay! I tolerated the 3 bags of IV fluid meds well, no nausea, no headache, then I was going to get two quick shots before I left for pain relief in my neck and migraines. Little did I know what all that entailed. The treatment is called prolozone and has kept people from needing invasive disc and cartilage joint surgeries. Amazing stuff. This may not sell you on it though...

It started with 6 numbing shots, which should have clued me in this wasn't going to be quick and painless, right? No! I'm an optimist when it comes to my health, don't ya know?! I wouldn't still be alive and trying if I wasn't! Then, he stuck a needle deep down between my vertebrae in my neck and filled the area near my nerves with a large volume of fluid full of I don't know what all-- folic acid, a mild steroid to keep from excess inflammation from the shot, and several things I don't remember now followed by ozone gas. The cocktail heals tissues and draws blood to the area for pain relief and healing. The first shot on the left made me feel a little numb in my arm and warm, but ok. The second on the right made me feel numb, then super hot, then dizzier than I've ever been in my life and like I was on some kind of drug. I think the fluid pressed on a nerve to my ear because I could audibly hear the fluid going in, the bubbling of the ozone gas, then my world flopped completely upside down. I had no equilibrium at all.

When it was over, I knocked a cup of water over trying to move it and threw up until I was dry heaving and sweating profusely. When I finally realized opening my eyes made me cascade into a whole new round of nausea, I blindly climbed my way up on the exam table and tried to will the dizziness away. Someone brought me a blanket and turned off the light and I laid there for an hour or so, I think, and wondered what I signed myself up for?

It passed though and I'm better now. I'm 2/4 on throwing up after treatments. Not fun. I think I felt progress today before that last treatment, which is fast. Last time it took 1.5 weeks before I noticed anything positive. No pain, no gain, right?

Super exciting good news for me is that my doc wants to carry my soap in his clinic. He wants activated charcoal and bentonite clay soap for his patients to aid in detox. I am so happy! His office workers all love it and want some too. So I need to get my website done and more soap made. If I could apply sales of this soap to defray treatment costs...ahh what a blessing. Something I love to do for something I desperately need and can't afford to do. This could be really great!

P.S. Isn't my niece hilarious?

Here in Oregon

I made it here and through my first day of treatments. I had four IV's and when I got up to leave, waves of nausea came over me and I threw up four times before I left. One for each IV bag?

My concern today isn't me but Thomas, who is at home sick with a 101 fever. Mommy-ing from a distance through Hannah is hard and I wish I could be there for him. Pray for him.

Tomorrow will be a rough and long day. I have been dreading tomorrow more than today actually. I hope it goes better than I imagine and I sure hope Tom turns a corner for the better. I can't stand to see his sick face. :(

Unexpected gift

I woke up from an IV induced sick-nap to a mysterious letter addressed to myself from myself that I did not write. I opened it just now and it was full of cash and a lovely encouraging letter full of verses from someone anonymous. If you, or someone you know sent this, we want you to know it arrived safely. We also want you to know that it arrived safely against worse odds than you know! Our mail gets opened and stolen here all the time and we can't seem to get it stopped. People close to us have learned to send checks or use PO Box 486 because we have had gift cards, cash in birthday cards and other gifts stolen. Also, someone smashed our mailbox a couple weeks ago and it doesn't even properly close right now.

The letter was still intact and it was very carefully packaged. It was a real shock to open and have ten $50 bills stick out though. Hannah said first thing, "Wow, I can't believe that wasn't stolen." However, we know these little things are not too great for our great God in Heaven.

We had not yet spoken about what to do about cash in Oregon for food and expenses for two weeks because we don't really have any extra. (What's to talk about in that case?) Jim has been praying without my knowledge about what to do. He sometimes shields me from additional worry because of my adrenal problems. That prayer was answered before I even knew about it. So, we both thank you. We are continually humbled by undeserved love.

I leave May the 5th. Pray for my family during our separation for safety and effectiveness of treatments as well, if you would.

Love,
Jim & Nicole